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One Side: Beth

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?