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The current year signifies a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by online jargon.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the words Zoomers is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For gen Z, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s response is interested or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who forgo parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal quirks indicating a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits validate your choice to pursue a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {